| Tuesday, August 15, 2006 |
| Why does it always rain on me? |
It's not that I'm in a pissy mood anymore. I thought I would clarify that first. But I think I'm feeling sort of gloomy. After a while I felt like throughout some things I am left out as the bad person of the crowd.
And I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm a bad person but it seems like the consequences between myself and my friends/aquaintances have come out with an awful taste in people's mouths. The last year or so things haven't been going right, I don't know if it's stress with work or just other surroundings. I haven't really snapped or anything of the nature. So I sat down and wondered what it is that I could be doing.
For example. I know that in the last year I have lost quite a few friends. It has been on both ends, either we end up with busy schedules and we just stop contacting each other or it's something else. Of course people have gone through this before: finding a new group of friends and hang out with them more not realizing you have more fun with the new group, or if you can say that a good girlfriend/guyfriend of yours ends up dating someone new and 75 percent of your free time goes towards that new loved one and 1 percent goes towards friends and the other 24 goes to family. Or it could be leaning to the worst. When perhaps a friend gets the wrong information from some other source and people make the wrong assumptions, or betrayal of some sort. Well to tell the truth, I have almost lost friends...and actually lost some. Yes, it's true, I got myself in a situation where we end up with new jobs and it devotes a good percentage of our time, and now, we barely speak. We don't have any hatred towards each other, it's just that we don't have time for hanging out because if I'm at work, they want to hang out and vice versa. I do have a friend who started dating someone a while ago, and yes, they hang out with their other half a majority of the time now. That doesn't bother me at all, but I just sometimes don't like being a third wheel or just wish I had someone on my side as well and felt as comfortable. Those are just the small things. But when it comes down to where you totally lose a friend, that makes quite a difference. And I think whether or not those surrounded by the incidents get some sort of effect from that and you happen to get stuck in the middle of it. They question, "well I want to hang out with them, but will this other person approve because this one is going to be around them?". Truth is yeah, at this time, I'm kind of in that situation. But honestly it doesn't bother me. I know that for sure, I'm not going to change and not hang out with my best friend because they're still hanging out with someone I no longer speak to. But at times, I feel that because I'm not going to have any sort of reconciliation with them, the other folks feel somewhat hesitant to hang out with me. I may be wrong in this whole situation. It's not one person in particular so if you're trying to figure it out...good luck.
Anyway, I don't know what I am thinking. Perhaps it's just a bad week. But a lot of things have been racking my brain and so what other way to let it out? By blabbing this nonsense on my blog :)
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posted by Janel @ 8:35 PM   |
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